Feels...

Okay, this one is gonna be very personal and deep.

I've been having issues and anxiety this past few weeks. I can't sleep and I'm eating like a pig but the next day I don't eat at all, so on so forth. I don't know what I've been thinking about, but everytime my friends ask me how I'm doing, well I'm doing just fine. But then I know there's something wrong with me, it's just so hard to explain.

Few days ago I deactivate my old facebook account with the reason that I'm too lazy to remove my "unknown" friends. But that wasn't the case, lol. Since I played this Touch game, I make so many new friends but surprisingly only few of them are real. I don't expect anything from a friend but reading all the drama and scandal people have on social media makes me realise how pathetic they are and I ask to myself "don't they have any real friends to talk to rather than share it to the world?". I did share my personal scandal once on facebook and that only because the person deserves it. And just now I just realised I wasted my few seconds to write that shit HAHA.

Ok, moving on.

Regarding to my condition, my current state is very complicated. It's like having a mental illness but yet I'm normal. What is normal anyway? pft. So my issue is that I push people away, so many guys reaching out to me but I didn't look at them like at all. My close friend said to me the other day that I've been known to be very arrogant and dearly plush. Well the second word maybe a compliment but arrogant? Only people who knows me know that I'm not that kind of person. But it gets me how I want to be alone and I am for exactly a year already. It's not that I don't want a boyfriend, but I want someone who has his own thing already and not giving shit about what I do everyday yet understands my deepest darkest personality. I don't want to be the clingy girlfriend, I don't want to wait around my boyfriend to text me and mad if he doesn't. I don't want my boyfriend to always look for me 'cause I'm busy or I'm just a loner. I need a busy guy who give his precious time to visit me in the middle of the night for only 1 to 2 hours just to say he loves me and just to see me eating or do some shit.

I know that's too much to ask but I can't find a guy when I'm only a girl. That's why I've been working so hard these days to take care of myself and try to be more independent in a case where I don't financially need my mom anymore and I really want to live somewhere, anywhere but here.

For friends, I don't need many. They come and go as they like, luckily I'm not a sensitive person so I don't care. BUT, I do care about my 24/Seven squad which I'm going to write in my next post because they're just special.

Buona notte a tutti~

Buona notte~

Hi hi... long time no see~ *sings iKON* teehee

so it's night time and I feel sick which is a good thing for me 'cause then I have time to write again since I'm so busy catching up with friends and making my brand this summer holiday. sigh.

Nothing special going on as usual.

So this holiday, I started to make some new steps. I was soooo lazy to do anything since it's holiday and it's my only chance to actually sleep for a month and nobody cares. But I have the motivation to make a brand so I did it. Me and my crew meet-up once a week if possible and we already have a few artworks up on our instagram, finallyyyy.... I hope the brand turns out great and I can continue using it to express myself.

Second thing is... I don't really know but I'm going to talk about my phone. I've been living in a cave for weeks now since I broke my phone. It was very stressful at first 'cause I have class and I have meeting every week also I need some catching up to do... But surprisingly I can survive without my phone haha. I could literally do whatever I want without having the burden to check my phone and of course my mom can't call me when I'm hanging out with my friends which she only did when I came home very late without telling her, lmao.

Then the last (not really) thing is about my fangirling life. So this blog is literally about me and BTS most of the time is about BTS but yeah I'm still crazy about them. BUT! I just changed my bias. I know it's a weird thing to do for some of the fanatic fangirl out there to change bias, it's like cheating on your boyfriend blablabla... But yeah, I'm over Park Jimin and now I'm all over Min Yoongi. Not because his mixtape is out a few days ago, and I'm not gonna explain shit 'cause I'm not good at it.

And also about the BTS merch that I'm planning to do after I finished my stickers. Well Jimin is fucking blonde right now I really want to make a merch with their newest look so I'm waiting for their new photos now that their concert is finished. I'm looking forward to their shows.

BYE~